Sunday, May 28, 2006

A note about my absence...

Last night my Mom died peacefully after about a month's struggle with one of the most virulent forms of cancer known to man. Although we saw some of the symptoms in April, the disease wasn't diagnosed until early May and here we are several weeks later. We had hope that her life might be prolonged for several months through the advanced therapies available today, but I am happy to remember that she was able to have a good quality of life in her last month and saw her oldest grandaughter graduate from college. I got to spend some time with her in the last month but not nearly enough because I thought there would more time over the coming year. The disease had other plans.

Thankfully, her time in unconsciousness wasn't long and yet we all got to say goodbye. As in all times like this, I am struggling with many emotions and I veer from a state of hopefulness in the renewal and reunification that a death in a family brings and deep sadness that this dear woman is gone to me and those to whom I am close. The night before her death I had a dream that I was helping raise her from a pool of water into the arms of people I did not recognize. And the next day I was whispering in her ear that it was alright for her to go.

O grant us thitherward to tend
And with unwearied hearts ascend,
Alleluia, Alleluia.

29 comments:

Grant said...

I'm really sorry for your loss. Your prescient dream and your ability to be there for her as much as possible says a lot about you, and I'm sure she was very proud. Best of luck to you and your family.

Violet said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

My wife recently went through much the same. I lost a wonderful mother in law. Best of luck.

Chris said...

Jim, many sympathies to you and your family. I'm glad for both you and your mother that you were able to say goodbye. Take care.

Phil said...

i always drop in here for a visit. i'm drawn to blogs where the discussion of the music is wrapped up in personal reminiscences and where the author lays themselves slightly bare. i know we've never met personally but your posts have made me feel like i know you well (and i do know that's not even remotely true).

so just let me say from the aether that i'm glad you were with someone you obviously loved very much at the time of their passing. i hope things get better for you in time.

howard said...

Jim, My deepest condolences, best wishes.

Eric said...

Jim, my sympathies are with you and your family during this time. Last year my wife lost both of her parents in a 10 week span and it was one of the most difficult periods of her life. You're brave to share this with the world. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.

Courtney said...

Jim, I'm very sorry for your loss. Wishing you peacefulness in this difficult time.

Joe said...

My sympathies for your loss.

Anonymous said...

My condolences & sympathies to you & yours.

Best Wishes,

-Jeff

Jon said...

Jim --

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I am thankful you were able to say goodbye and that your vision provides some comfort.

-- Jon

stevedomino said...

much love to you and yours at this time xxx

John said...

Jim, my deepest sympathies...it's great that you could be there for her.

Anonymous said...

I'm very sorry about your loss. I hope that you and your family find some peace and consolation in time. Take care.

zTransmissions said...

i am so sorry to hear this. it's hard for me to fathom the depth of loss you're coping with. my best wishes are with you.

rico said...

my deepest sympathies on your loss.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you , merely stumbled across your blog. I'm so sorry about your mother.

Denis said...

Really Sorry...
Denis - Brasil

Jamie Summers said...

Terribly sorry, my thoughts are with you and your family.

SonicReducer said...

Mein herzliche Beileid

Loki said...

i know i just come here and nick mp3s and all that and hardly ever comment but, Christ, my condolences go out to you...

Shelly said...

From one survivor to another - you are in my thoughts and meditations.

s.

Anonymous said...

my thoughts are with you.

x.

m said...

my deepest sympathies. truly, mark

Kelly Plumber said...

My sympathies, lost my dad the same way....unfair, but thank god for hospice.....

Plastic Exploding said...

My deepest sympathies. I lost my mother a similar way five years ago, and my father about three months ago. It is a profound change. Hang in there.

Spin said...

Very sorry to hear about your Mom, Jim. My own Mom is pretty frail, too. I know it'll crush me when she dies.

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry. I wish you comfort and love in this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

brutal man.